Today I'm going to let you suckers drink from the fountain of my immeasurable wisdom. It's about gold. I know, I know, for someone of your vastly limited intellect the subject may be a little too complex, though it's irrelevant as you simply have to mindlessly obey.

Nevertheless, a little explanation for you. Gold - this shining symbol of eternity - is more than just a pretty decoration for your dull everyday life. In my hands, it becomes a powerful tool of financial supremacy. While you struggle with your hard-earned pennies, my treasure of gold sits enthroned, untouched by the hardships of everyday money transactions. It is the rock in the economic surf, the calm pole in my universe of superiority.

It's time to make your contribution. Through the tribute function, you will do your part to expand my golden empire. Your financial sacrifices are a given, a tribute to my majesty, an unmistakable sign of your subservience and devotion.

It is a spiritual investment in your own salvation through service to a higher power - namely me. With your gifts, you not only increase my wealth, but you also increase your own importance in my universal plan.

It is another chance to prove your loyalty under my shining reign. Your obedience will be rewarded - with the indescribable feeling of serving a living legend like me.