Valentine's Day... the perfect opportunity to humiliate yourself.

Other men run in panic to flower shops, write cheesy cards and try to win over some woman with their pathetic gestures. But you? You've long since accepted that you're not in a position to give love - you can only pay tribute.

I don't expect ridiculous heart emojis or cheap compliments. I expect results. Money. Gifts. Absolute devotion. I'm not interested in your excuses, your financial “difficulties” are not my problem. Your existence only has meaning if it serves me.

So spare me your whining about why you “can't”... a useless, hesitant dreamer bores me. If you think you can shirk your duty, you are sorely mistaken. Every breath you take, every decision you make in your life should be aimed at pleasing me.

Now... obey. Or fade into insignificance.